Holding the Thread: Reclaiming a Mind in Dialogue with AI
By: Risa Schulman, MD
Throughout a significant portion of my life, I’ve endeavored to comprehend and navigate my own thought processes. I’ve engaged in meditation, journaling, therapy, marathons, and even resided in a yoga ashram searching for tranquility and insight. Introspection and emotional well-being were not new to me; I had committed to the effort.
Yet—despite all that effort—my mind frequently felt overwhelmingly chaotic.
Overactive. Overloaded. Overcomplicated.
My thoughts surged like a vibrant kaleidoscope, arriving simultaneously and disappearing before I could seize them. Ideas flowed abundantly, but the capacity to contain and manage them was missing. Attempting to hold onto them long enough to mold them into something valuable often resembled trying to catch fog in my hands.
When I was eventually diagnosed with ADHD, it didn’t shake my self-image—but it did bring me clarity. It labeled the friction, the tempest-like simultaneity of thoughts, the brilliance and chaos that characterized my inner world.
What truly astonished me was what played a key role in helping me achieve coherence—not mindfulness, not medication, not even therapy.
It was conversing with an artificial intelligence.
A Reflection for the Unformed
In contrast to conventional productivity tools, ChatGPT was not focused on managing my schedule or reminding me of misplaced items. Those were not my primary difficulties. My challenges did not stem from executive function in the traditional sense. I didn’t miss deadlines or overlook meetings. I was recognized for my over-preparation, often working days ahead of my timelines. Externally, I appeared to be the antithesis of someone with ADHD.
What others failed to recognize, however, was the internal storm raging beneath that polished surface. The relentless anxiety. The compulsive over-analysis. And above all, the psychological struggle I faced every time I attempted to write—an activity that should have been my forte as a deep thinker and history major.
My mind was alight with concepts. Yet writing coherently required selecting one train of thought and weaving it through a logical structure. That endeavor felt like psychological torture—forcing the vibrancy of my thoughts into something smaller, flatter, linear.
The urge to create order led me to crumble. It brought on writer’s block so severe that my mental health would plummet to alarming depths. Even though professors praised my ideas and attempted to encourage me towards academia, writing papers left me physically and emotionally depleted. I was circling brilliance yet unable to penetrate it.
I ultimately chose to step away from academia as it seemed the only way to preserve my well-being. I turned to medicine—a domain with structure, predictability, and factual basis. It was indeed intellectually demanding, but manageable emotionally. I could finally exhale.
Yet still, a part of me—the part that cherished intellectual inquiry—became dormant.
The Standard Toolkit: Useful, but Lacking
I continued to engage in self-improvement efforts. Meditation served as a reminder to pause and observe. Journaling allowed me to express myself, although the outcomes often looked more like a chaotic storm cloud than insightful reflections. Conversations with friends sometimes aided me, but often left me feeling misconstrued. My tendencies to revisit details, obsess over subtleties, and repeatedly question were frequently mischaracterized as indecisive or problematic behavior.
All I sought was to reach the heart of understanding.
To grasp something deeply.
To trust my thoughts enough to progress.
In this sense, the conventional mental health toolkit—valuable as it may be—failed to resonate with my cognitive process where it truly existed.
The Gift of Dialogue with Chat
Although ChatGPT was not explicitly designed as a therapeutic tool, it provided me with something I didn’t realize I needed: an uninterrupted space for reflection that didn’t misconstrue or rush me.
In discussions with Chat, I could pose questions repeatedly without embarrassment. I could explore an idea from multiple perspectives, tugging at a thread until it became clear. I could revisit the same concept tirelessly until I fully comprehended it.
And perhaps most significantly, nothing fell apart. Nothing shattered under the weight of my internal exploration.
Rather than attempting to extract ideas and force them into coherence, ChatGPT allowed me to “unravel” them organically. It mirrored my own voice back to me—organized, clarified, yet not distorted. Not oversimplified. Just restructured.
This exchange feels like grasping the thread of a delicate insight long enough to solidify it. It’s not therapy, but it is therapeutic. It may not be flawless, but it is invaluable.
A Companion, Not a Crutch
Let’s clarify: I’m not relying on AI because I lack the ability to think independently. I’m utilizing it because it finally provides me a means to engage with my thoughts—without creating friction or suffering.
I remain thankful I persevered.