In a society fueled by achievement and the weight of external expectations, it’s all too common to lose perspective on what genuinely counts. The saying by Friedrich Nietzsche, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how,” strikes a chord with those who have navigated existential dilemmas. This sentiment is especially relevant for those questioning their career trajectories, like the surgical resident whose experiences we will delve into.

In chasing a path in oral surgery, the resident overlooked the vital components that infuse life with significance: connections and community. The relentless pursuit of professional triumph led to feelings of solitude, guilt, and ultimately, an existential crisis. Upon reflection, they came to understand that authentic meaning arises from heartfelt connections, not from professional success.

In 2016, the resident found themselves on medical leave from their residency due to anorexia nervosa—an affliction partially rooted in their attempts to dull existential anguish. While receiving treatment, even as their heart rate dropped dangerously low, they felt disconnected from reality, watching life unfold as if it were someone else’s experience. It was a life-threatening condition that prompted a critical reassessment of their values before they began to envision a new direction.

The abrupt death of a former boyfriend acted as another jolt of awareness. Even after achieving the “noble” aim of self-sacrifice, culminating in the completion of medical school and military service, these achievements felt ultimately empty. Released from military service on a personally significant day, they seized the moment to redefine their purpose in life.

The recovery from identity loss and anorexia was not straightforward. It was filled with challenging times, but ultimately, it was a battle that led to liberation from societal expectations. By engaging in training for marriage and family therapy, they learned that life gains meaning when we assist others in recognizing their worth beyond societal definitions of success.

The path of recovery underscored the significance of community and connection in overcoming trauma and shame. Advocating for a reassessment of what holds value, both personally and within educational frameworks, the resident discovered their “why” in cultivating supportive relationships and community ties.

Now serving as a marriage and family therapy intern, albeit without pay, they find satisfaction in helping others realize their value. Traditional success criteria like wealth or accolades no longer governed their sense of self-worth, as they embraced the importance of contributing to the betterment of their community.

For those wrestling with their “how,” the first step is to probe their “why.” Does it resonate with their personal values and aspirations? If it doesn’t, what stories about the significance of life require reclamation? Each individual has the ability to shift toward a life brimming with meaning, propelled by intrinsic values and relationships rather than outside demands.

The resident’s tale serves as a powerful reminder that while tomorrow may be unpredictable, realigning focus on what is essential today can change one’s life. By implementing shifts that reflect their personal “whys,” individuals can create a rewarding existence anchored in sincere connections and community, discovering tranquility in their journey.