I Was 13 When I Started My First Diet: A Guide to Accepting Body Neutrality

At the age of 13, I embarked on my first diet, not out of health considerations, but fueled by shame and insecurity. For as long as I could recall, I had felt uncomfortable in my own body. Like numerous adolescents, I tied my self-esteem to the appearance of my physique—an association that would be tough to break free from.

Back then, my wardrobe had few choices that didn’t make me “feel large.” I donned oversized sweaters and hunched my shoulders to conceal my chest—a physical attribute that became the subject of many jokes and that dominated my inner dialogue. My thoughts were consumed by my body image, overshadowing feelings of joy and connection.

By the time I reached high school, I was following a demanding regimen: rigorous exercise combined with strict dieting. Over a span of five months, I shed 60 pounds—one-third of my total weight. The world started to notice, and the compliments came flooding in. It felt like a story of redemption. However, that affirmation imparted a harmful lesson: Slimness equated to worthiness.

Over the years, my weight fluctuated, as did my emotional state. When I regained weight, I perceived it as a failure in the ultimate life mission—the quest for thinness. It wasn’t until I encountered body neutrality that I grasped there exists a more sustainable approach to both physical and emotional wellness.

Understanding Body Neutrality

Body neutrality is the philosophy that your value lies not in your physical appearance, but in what your body can do and how it feels. It doesn’t demand perpetual admiration for your looks. Instead, it encourages you to feel indifferent—neither glorifying nor disparaging your body. This mindset symbolizes liberation from the ceaseless pursuit of physical idealism.

So, what does body neutrality manifest as in daily life?

• Exercising to energize yourself—not merely to burn calories.
• Consuming nutritious foods to feel alive—not rigidly limiting intake for aesthetic reasons.
• Choosing attire that is comfortable and reflects your style—rather than trying to divert attention from perceived “flaws.”
• Allowing yourself indulgences, free of guilt or spiraling into negative behaviors.
• Engaging in self-care routines because you deserve it—not merely as a means to reach a specific “ideal.”

You may still care about your appearance—and that’s perfectly fine. Body neutrality doesn’t demand you abandon that entirely. It merely asks that you don’t let it determine your self-worth.

Why Body Neutrality is Important for Everyone

This perspective isn’t exclusively for plus-size individuals or those with marginalized bodies. Even those with “ideal” figures often feel the weight of maintaining their image. They too experience anxiety—worry about aging, evolving, or failing to satisfy ever-changing standards of appearance.

“I’ve worked with clients who are quite content with their appearance, yet they still grapple with body image because their self-worth hinges on it,” says Shannon Beer, a registered nutritionist and body image coach.

Body neutrality offers a significant liberation for everyone: from self-monitoring, from shame, and from the exhausting urge to “earn” worth through appearance.

What if You Still Have Appearance Goals?

People often question: Can I adopt body neutrality while still wishing to enhance my looks? The answer is yes—with an important condition.

Body neutrality does not reject changes in one’s body; it dismisses the notion that self-worth should depend on those changes. It prioritizes your mental, emotional, and physical health—not sacrificing them for the sake of a particular appearance.

5 Practical Approaches to Cultivating Body Neutrality

Transforming your mindset is a journey. However, small, deliberate steps can gradually lead to significant changes. Here are five approaches to help you begin today.

1. Engage in What You Enjoy—Right Now

The belief that you must wait to shed pounds before enjoying life is damaging and unnecessary. Don the swimsuit. Attend the concert. Go on the hike. Whatever brings you happiness, start doing it—even in small measures—regardless of your current feelings about your body.

2. Establish Non-Aesthetic Goals

Let go of targets like “lose 10 pounds in a