Title: From Seclusion to Strength: Reclaiming Existence After Career Loss
By Jillian Rigert, DMD, MD
When life takes an unforeseen path—when professions and identities forged through years of effort, commitment, and sacrifice are taken away—the emotional upheaval can be intense. I share from personal experience: after being medically discharged from the military for pursuing mental health care, and later stepping back from a rigorous surgical residency to prioritize recovery, I found myself descending into solitude, laden with guilt, shame, and deep exhaustion.
Despite reassurance from mentors and the genuine support of my program director, who stressed he was not disappointed in me, I couldn’t shake the belief that I had let not only myself down, but also my peers who had to cover for me in my absence. The burden of this guilt was immense, reinforcing the unspoken notion that my value hinged on my productivity, qualifications, and the opinions of others.
My choice to leave surgery stemmed from a need for survival, yet it was far from easy. Overcome by internalized shame and societal pressures, I retreated into a state of disconnection and neglect. I almost starved myself, a gradual and passive route toward oblivion, propelled by self-loathing and despair. Externally, my resume showcased achievements. Internally, I was crumbling.
The ambitious landscape of medicine—and military culture to an even greater extent—often conveys that struggles with mental health are vulnerabilities. This stigma took a significant toll on me. My identity was so closely linked with my profession that losing one felt synonymous with losing the other. However, hitting rock bottom revealed what would ultimately guide me toward my true purpose.
We are not defined by our occupations, but by our essence. And the reality remains: Nothing in your professional life holds more significance than your existence. Nothing.
A Flicker in the Shadows
In the depths of darkness, I discovered a faint light. It emerged through the act of expressing my narrative on platforms like KevinMD. My inaugural piece—titled “I risked my career to save my life”—sprang from a moment of indifference, where I felt I had little left to risk. Publishing it was my way of leaving a mark in case I didn’t survive. The surprise lay not just in the encouraging feedback that followed, but how that vulnerability enabled me to reconnect with my genuine self.
Readers described me as “brave” and “courageous,” yet I perceived it differently. I was merely striving to endure. I began to reveal more of my truth, particularly those aspects I felt most embarrassed about. And through this, I slowly began to break free from the isolation that often follows shame.
Ironically, by sharing my truth for others to see, I was rescuing myself. The words I believed were meant for someone else turned out to assist me more than I had foreseen. Apathy ignited authenticity; connection replaced solitude.
The Path Back to Self
Recovery was not a straight line, and I frequently had to hit rock bottom multiple times before insights truly resonated. However, gradually, I came to comprehend some painful yet freeing realities:
– Our value is not dictated by titles, honors, or diplomas.
– Others’ perceptions of us are filtered through their own experiences and biases.
– We can appreciate others’ viewpoints without allowing them to diminish our own.
– Vulnerability is not a weakness—it is a manifestation of strength.
My healing journey necessitated multiple career shifts. At one point, a colleague labeled me the “professional pivoter.” I embraced it with pride. Each shift brought me closer to a life that resonated with my values and purpose—and crucially, to a life where I prioritize my well-being over external affirmation.
From Trepidation to Liberation
One of the significant transformations in my mindset was severing the need for others’ approval. As social beings, we are programmed for connection, and societal norms often penalize perceived “failures” or deviations from conventional career trajectories. Yet, I discovered, sometimes through painful experiences, that I had permitted the opinions of others to overshadow my own inner voice.
Why were their views more critical than mine?
When I finally confronted that question—truly pondered it—I began to unravel the intricate beliefs that had kept me trapped. Therapy, coaching, and substantive discussions enabled me to establish a new foundation—one built on compassion and curiosity rather than perfectionism.
A Beginner’s Mind and a Compassionate Voice
Cultivating a beginner’s mind permitted me to view experiences through an openness rather than a judgmental lens. I shifted from perceiving myself as a failure to acknowledging myself as someone acquiring new ways to thrive. I focused on fostering a more compassionate internal dialogue—one that reminded me my voice mattered, my existence mattered, and no one else had the power to determine my worth.
When rejection emerged, criticism stung, or impostor feelings surfaced, I leaned on my