There exists a vast array of unexpressed sentiments. This isn’t due to a deficiency in truth or significance but perhaps stems from societal norms that link strength with being mute. The struggle is frequently misread as failure, particularly amidst the tumult of postpartum adjustments. As both a family physician and a mother to a spirited 21-month-old, I navigate a multitude of identities, including Asian American, physician coach, entrepreneur, and lifelong learner. Juggling these roles proves to be a daunting task. Some days I feel triumphant, while on others, I struggle to maintain my composure.
The fourth trimester was unexpectedly arduous, eclipsing even my most challenging experiences during residency or medical school. The truth of postpartum existence manifested as an unyielding cycle of sleepless nights and anxiety. Difficulties with breastfeeding thrust me into an emotional struggle, tying my nurturing success to my self-worth. Prominent voices promoting “breast is best” heightened my feelings of inadequacy when resorting to supplementation.
The physical realities were equally harsh. Recovery took months, and initial physical activities felt intimidating. Pelvic floor therapy was enlightening, yet it raised questions regarding the absence of dialogue on postpartum recovery. I grappled with anxiety, obsessing over imagined scenarios, acutely aware of my baby’s health. Returning to work alleviated some anxiety but brought forth guilt, creating a constant tension between my professional responsibilities and maternal instincts. The ceaseless quest to be a “good doctor” and a “good mom” proved to be draining.
Women, particularly those in medicine, endure significant societal pressures to appear capable and nurturing without ever appearing overwhelmed. Physician mothers bear the amplified burden of expectations, where high performance and selflessness are misconstrued as strength. However, the struggle we face is something we all share.
Accepting new realities, I began to grant myself grace. Weaning lightened the load, and I discovered how to cherish the changes within myself. This transformation wasn’t about “bouncing back” but about growing stronger and more aware, welcoming presence and peace.
To my fellow physician mothers: you are not isolated, nor are you failing. You manage the demanding roles of healing, birthing life, and nurturing with remarkable resilience. It is vital to recognize the challenges—because they are genuine—and to comprehend that we need not shoulder them in silence. We stand together in support of one another.
Cynthia Chen-Joea is a family physician.