# When the Dream Turns into a Nightmare: A Doctor’s Voyage Through Burnout and Rediscovery of Purpose

For a multitude of people, pursuing a career in medicine is more than just a job; it is a calling. It embodies a vocation that fuels a lifelong dedication, often stemming from personal journeys or a profound wish to create significant change in the lives of others. Nonetheless, the actuality of being a physician in the present day frequently does not correspond with the idealized image cherished by many aspiring doctors. For Dr. Pamela Buchanan, who was once an eager 12-year-old inspired by her groundbreaking pediatrician, Dr. Helen Nash, the field of medicine represented both the realization of her dream and the trial that nearly led her astray.

This is her narrative—a tale that is both intimate and collective. It is a story of devotion, conflict, and ultimately resurgence, highlighting the urgent need to overhaul the medical system before it devours more of its own.

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## The Captivation of the White Coat

Dr. Buchanan recalls with clarity the warmth, expertise, and empathy of her childhood pediatrician, Dr. Helen Nash, a pioneering Black female doctor in St. Louis. A woman imbued with kindness and excellence, Dr. Nash’s approach inspired Pamela to dream of mirroring the remarkable attributes she so revered.

Pamela tirelessly endeavored to make this aspiration a reality, excelling academically through high school, college, medical school, and the demanding years of residency. Medicine was not mere employment for her; it represented a vocation, a zeal, and, for a period, a total obsession.

However, for all the fervor and commitment she dedicated to her vocation, nobody prepared her for the grimmer facets of the profession. No one alerted her to the burdens that the white coat could impose.

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## The Burden of the White Coat: The Profound Emotional Impact of Medicine

For several years, Dr. Buchanan flourished in her position, managing unrelenting demands with poise and accuracy. Yet, similar to countless others in the healthcare sector, she did so at immense personal expense. Throughout the pandemic, she devoted 80 hours a week in the Emergency Room (ER), repeatedly confronting trauma, anguish, and mortality. Her role as a caregiver drove her to keep showing up for others, even as she neglected her most fundamental needs.

The physical and psychological burden began to show in troubling ways. Sleep became a distant memory; her weight increased. Depression stealthily infiltrated her life, overshadowing her once-steadfast resolve. The traumatic experiences she bore witness to infiltrated her psyche because, unlike police officers and paramedics, who must partake in obligatory counseling after particularly distressing incidents, physicians are often anticipated to quietly endure their anguish, as though they are exempt from vulnerability.

“There exists this perception of invincibility in medicine,” she contemplates. “But we are not invulnerable. We internalize the tragedies we observe, frequently without a way to process them.”

The impact was devastating. In her bleakest moments, thoughts of suicide echoed in her mind. When a colleague tragically ended their life, it served as a jarring wake-up call to the crisis within the field: physicians die by suicide at a shocking rate, with an estimated doctor lost every day in the U.S. This alarming figure emphasizes the necessity for systemic reform. For Dr. Buchanan, even surrounded by family, colleagues, and friends, the solitude of her struggles was palpable.

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## From Decline to Redemption: Discovering Purpose Through Advocacy

In 2024, Dr. Buchanan graced the TEDx stage to narrate her experience in a talk named *Emotional Flatline*. It was a moment of openness, a liberating expression of years filled with struggle, marking the start of a new journey. By articulating her distress, she found healing and a mission in utilizing her platform to advocate for systemic change within the medical field.

This moment ignited a newfound passion: championing doctors’ mental health and wellness. “Doctors require support just like the patients we attend to,” she states. “We cannot provide care for others unless we prioritize our own well-being.”

Dr. Buchanan has emerged as a passionate advocate for embedding structured mental health resources into medical workplaces. She envisions a future where peer assistance programs, counseling sessions following traumatic instances, and wellness initiatives are considered essential rather than optional. She asserts that these systemic modifications are as vital as any medical advancement in surgery or medication.

Her advocacy also encompasses aspiring physicians within medical schools and residency programs. She stresses the necessity of equipping young doctors not just for the intellectual demands of their field but for the emotional and mental challenges inherent in it as well.

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## Advocating for Change: Supporting the Supporters

Dr. Buchanan compares her journey to an age-old high school cheerleading slogan: “Go! Fight! Win!” But this battle is not merely about enduring or managing the daily grind. It’s about fundamentally transforming medicine for all present and future caregivers.

The hurdles